Day One…

Welcome to my first blog post! Thank you for visiting, and being willing to embark on this crazy journey with me! First, I’d like to say that my main mission with this blog is to be as open, and honest about my experience as an actor, and a human being living, breathing, and attempting to find happiness in this industry. Being an actor was a calling I answered years ago, but while I’m still relatively new to the craft, I believe that there are truths, and bits of wisdom I’ve been given to share with anyone interested in listening, and thus, growing. So, enjoy, and let me know what you think. Happy reading!

Once upon a time, many moons ago….

I laid awake under my sheets, unable to find any peace. My mind went on a rampage, and began replaying moments from my last 20+ years of living. I began judging my past decisions, and lamenting my failures, and shortcomings. I couldn’t figure out what had inspired this deep thinking, but before I knew it, four hours had passed, and my alarm would soon ring, marking the end of a very restless evening. But when I finally picked myself out of bed, I looked around at my studio apartment; a quaint space nestled in the heart of the University District in Seattle, on the top floor of a 1960’s building raveled by wild vines, with wooden floors, large windows, where colorful theater posters decorated the walls, and a green vintage cruiser bike “artistically” rested on the wall. Then I realized how blessed I was to be living in a city where I didn’t need a second job to support my living, and to pay my rent; a city that had supported me in my acting endeavors, and had welcomed me into it’s theater community with open arms. Then I thought of how easy it was for me to beat myself up, and waste my time replaying mistakes, and regretting decisions, but how much easier it could have been to remember the good stuff; the gigs, the connections, and the friendships. And then I discovered that at the heart of this preoccupation with the past, was a very human tendency to dwell on what we perceive is “the feeling of not-enoughness”, a feeling that we haven’t done enough, aren’t enough, don’t make enough. And it consumes our mental, emotional, and spiritual energy, and threatens to robe us of our precious hours on Earth. It’s a feeling we all share, I’m sure. But why do we do it? And sitting in my dark room, listening to the pizza place next door blast Mos-Def, and 90’s rap in preparation for it’s future customers, I realized that it is fear, and anxious anticipation of the future that mentally resurrects our past.We might find that it’s easier to dwell on the past, and on the things we already know, and have experienced, than on the things that lie ahead of us, shrouded in mystery.

Worrying about yesterday prevents us from facing tomorrow, and so we’re safe from annoying pep-talks, and exercises in self-motivation, and prayer time about the blessings we really, really want to receive. We’re safe from planning how to save more money, about getting that certification, following up with those networking connections, etc. All this because we can’t face our fears of the future, so we resurrect pain from our past. How self-deprecating is that?! So how do we stop this?

We admit two things. One. That it’s true what we’ve read – tomorrow is promised to no one, and so it makes little sense for us to be anxious about it. So while it may make more logical sense to worry over things that we DO know, then over things that we don’t, what shall we say of those minutes, and hours we spend being anxious about anything at all, and what do we change when we worry? Nothing, because fear of anything begets more fear, and more wasting of a life time.

Instead, let’s do this second thing: let’s agree to make it our mission to learn from our mistake right in the middle of it, and then give it up completely, and never contemplate it again once it’s over. Learn, and let go.

We are told, “worry not for tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” (Matt. 6:34). So let’s do this one thing: Live in the triumphs, big and small. These make us happier, lovable, more satisfied human beings. That’s a scientific fact which I think I read about in an article I wrote somewhere. Nevertheless, I believe that when you spend your life embracing how amazingly blessed you are right now, and how many more unknown opportunities for new blessings await you just beyond the horizon, suddenly the past matters less, and worries us less. Isn’t that exciting?! Good stuff is always better than bad stuff.

Mathematical proof: Thinking about how awesome life is, and can be > restless evenings, fallen hair, grumpy mornings, under-eye bags

Of course, this may sound easier said than done, but the attempt is definitely worth it. So next time lamentations of the past threaten to steal your precious hours of slumber, or daily living, ponder the gifts that still await you, and let that happiness rock you to sleep, or add some excitement into your life. Life is too short, and treasured to worry about things we can’t control.


Yesenia with a ‘J’ sound